


The Bear

by dooklarue



Category: Wander Over Yonder (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Ending, One-Sided Attraction, both for the dom/hater and for the heavily implied death glare, peepers is gay and he deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 13:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18700339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dooklarue/pseuds/dooklarue
Summary: Alternate ending for The Bad Hatter, in which the hat teaches Hater and Peepers the importance of compromise... Sort of. Not really.





	The Bear

Hater and Peepers pulled at the hat like it was the rope in a very important game of tug-o-war that neither could stand to lose. Suddenly, Peepers relinquished his death-grip on the brim and stepped backward warily.

“Haha, I win!! Now it’s all mine and I can use it for something that really matters.” He started breakdancing victoriously.

“Sir…” The dread in his voice was so clear that even Hater saw it right away, though it wasn’t enough to stop him from dancing. He’d _earned_  that.

“What’s your problem? You look like you think it’s going to explode.”

“Well, sir… You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, I- what?” He finally stopped to look at the hat, which had swelled up to double its usual size in just a few moments. “Oh. It is going to explode, isn’t it?”

“I think so, sir.” This was enough to make him step back cautiously, trusting the judgment of his right-hand man despite the fight they had just had. The hat went suspiciously still, then spat out the largest teddy bear either of them had ever seen. It was a good foot taller than Hater and covered in thick pink faux fur save for its belly, which was white and had a dripping heart embroidered on. “Oh, it's…”

“It's perfect,” Hater finished, already plotting how to deliver it to Dominator without the help of his inevitably unsupportive commander.  _Seriously, why was Peepers so horrified by the idea of him getting a girlfriend? At least he understood why Wander was a problem_.

“Oh, absolutely n-” he stopped short, staring at the absurdly big plush toy. It opened its mouth, revealing rows of sharp-looking metal fangs. Then its eyes flashed red ominously, and Peepers almost had to wipe a tear from his own. Hater didn't know it, but he was right, it was perfect. “A trojan horse,” he mused out loud. “You know what? This isn’t so bad at all. Let's go give Dominator her gift, sir.”

“It's obviously a bear, not a horse. Don’t you know anything, Peepers?” He paused, still processing. “Wait, you mean that?”

“Of course, sir!”

“So you admit that Dominator thinks I'm totally hot and will definitely date me when I get her a gift?” Peepers sighed.  _Of course it came back around to that_.

“Let's not be hasty, sir, I'm not…” He noticed Hater's skeletal scowl with a gulp. He couldn’t say no to that face. “Something like that! Yes, I’m sure this will knock her off her feet.” He would have been grinning deviously if he could, but as it turns out, it’s very hard to grin with no semblance of a mouth. He supposed it was all the better for him, anyway, that Hater couldn’t see his ulterior motives.

“YES! Thank you! I knew it all along, I mean  _how could I not_ , but it’s nice to have my commander actually back me up for a change.” Peepers tugged at his uniform collar. He did feel bad to shoot down Hater's aspirations, even if they were objectively stupid and hopeless, and a man like him could do so much better… But still, he felt bad. He hoped that Hater’s questionably existent heart wouldn't be too broken when the gift's true nature was revealed.

* * *

 An hour later, Hater was standing before Dominator, wringing his hands anxiously. Next to him was a giant gift box carried in by a troupe of watchdogs, with Peepers naturally leading the pack.

“For… Gift for lady,” Hater announced awkwardly. Dominator eyed him suspiciously for a moment, then gave him a patronizingly kind smile.

“Oh, thank you! What is it? Some sort of deadly weapon that I can inflict horrible devastation on innocent planets with?” The look he gave her was roughly the expression of a confused puppy offering up a gift of chewed slippers.

“Weapon? Uhh…” Peepers rolled his eye. He had less than zero interest in getting Dominator's attention, but he couldn't help thinking that he could do a better job of it if he tried. “ _Gift_ ,” Hater repeated emphatically.

“Ugh, right, no one ever gets me anything good. Well, whatever, let's see what you got me, you…” She paused, deciding whether there was any advantage to humoring him. “You  _not unbearably repulsive man_ , you!  Nailed it.” Peepers couldn’t agree with her self-congratulation, but Hater didn’t seem to mind, and that was what ultimately mattered. For some reason.

Rather than unwrapping it carefully, or even just tearing the paper off with her hands, she elected to encase the gift in a layer of lava that burned the box away. The watchdogs scattered, and all that was left was the bear in all its cuddly glory. “Oh. Well, uh, that’s interesting.” She looked to Peepers for clarification; she knew that he was the more sensible one, and wasn’t sure why he would have agreed to this. Well, unless there was a catch. He narrowed his eye smugly as the innocent-looking teddy bear grinned a sharp-toothed smile. “Oh, well that is  _interesting_ ,” she repeated.

“You like it?” Hater asked, feeling a burst of confidence from the way she was taking it in. She set her hands on her hips and looked up at it with an expression of something sort of like admiration.

“Oh, yeah, I love it.” She put one hand delicately on its chest, feeling the soft fur, then suddenly gored it straight through with a fist of lava. She pulled out a handful of ruined electronics and tossed them aside, to the utter horror of both villains before her.

“But it was supposed to make you love me,” Hater sputtered, dumbfounded.

“But it was supposed to  _kill you_ ,” Peepers whined with equal dismay, quickly trying to gather up the little pile of charred wiring and circuitry. Dominator clicked her tongue with mock-pity.

“You must be very merciful, Hater, I would never let one of my minions get away with betraying me like that.” Peepers contracted in fear. Being the kind of person he was, it always upset him to incur the wrath of his leader and best friend. On a more practical level, it was very rarely pragmatic to make a giant magical skeleton angry at you.

“You wanted to kill her?!” Peepers took a deep breath and shifted himself into damage control mode.

“Well, sir, I-”

“That’s a terrible plan! Girls don’t like it when you kill them!” He blinked in surprise. “I mean  _seriously_ , Peepers, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“I…” He paused, rubbing his upper eyelid in frustration. “Yes, sir, I suppose you’re right about that.” There were a handful of other reasons that were probably more relevant, but strictly speaking, he wasn't  _wrong_.

“It was a good try,” Dominator said coolly, staring Peepers down. She could almost respect his little plan. Almost. “But you should know that  _good_  doesn't get you anything.” He returned the glare with one of his own. After a tense moment, she stepped back. “Well, thanks for the new toy.”

“You're welcome,” Hater said excitedly. Something inside of the bear whirred, and it got to its feet. “Oh, that's cool. I totally knew that it could do that.”

“And thank you too, Peepers. I've never hacked something quite like this. I almost wish it had been more of a challenge, but oh well. You two run along now,” she dismissed them, her voice light. “No, really.  _Run_.” She climbed up onto the bear's shoulders, and its eyes flashed red as its claws extended. Hater cocked his head to the side. This was usually the part where he would come to his senses, but wishful thinking was one heck of a drug, and he still really wanted Dominator to be impressed with him. Peepers, who was not eager to be mauled by a big pink bear, grabbed his arm and forcibly dragged him out of harm’s way.

* * *

Wander twiddled his thumbs anxiously, feeling lost without his hat despite Sylvia’s best efforts to distract him. It wasn’t just a hat, or even a tool, it was a friend. Sylvia nudged him.

“Buddy, good news.”

“You can give me the prettiest hat in all the galaxy, Syl, and I’d appreciate it- you know I appreciate you trying and all- but nothing’s gonna be the same.” She nudged him harder.

“Uh, I respect that and all, but you gotta see this.” He screwed up his face, trying to summon the composure to humor her one more time. When he did look up, his expression immediately brightened. Sylvia nodded with a smirk. Before him was Lord Hater, looking incredibly sheepish and slightly roughed-up, holding out the hat.

“I, uhhh, found this,” Hater grumbled. “You can have it back, it was a stupid hat anyway.” Peepers peeked out from behind Hater, looking equally ashamed and disheveled.

“Gosh, I can’t tell you how thankful I am! I could just kiss you, Hatey-”

“NO,” Hater and Peepers said at once. Wander just shrugged and settled the hat on his head, feeling immediately more himself. He knew what the hat could do to people, so he was mostly just happy they still got along after what had undoubtedly been a power struggle.

“Told you it was good news,” Sylvia said.  
“Yep. I guess this ended pretty well for everybody, huh?”

“I think so, buddy.”  
In the distance, there was the sound of maniacal laughter and a bear’s roar.


End file.
